Anonymous murmured: But the thing is... I'm not sure if I want to be with my boyfriend for all of my highschool, I already have and I kinda want to try out new things... But I would miss him too much... Like I wish I could be two different people so I could date both of them haha... They are both great guys and it's hard... - kait
aw kait, I wish I could make a decision for you and take away the confusion, I really do. but unfortunately it’s up to you, you’re the one in charge. you don’t have to date your boyfriend for all of high school! it’s completely natural and normal to want to experience new things (: but what matters is how you feel right now and who can make you happy, think about things and what you feel you might regret - if you feel you would regret choosing mr-athlete over boyfriend, then that’s possibly a sign to say that it would be the wrong decision to make right now and that your heart is with your boyfriend and it’s better to stay with him. think about what you want out of a relationship right now and if your current boyfriend can give that to you. good luck <3
7:42 pm • 6 December 2013
Anonymous murmured: F 16. This is pretty weird but here goes. All my friends talk about their boyfriends or how cute this person is and how much they love or like them or want to be with them, about crushes they have and so on - even celebrity crushes. A lot of my friends have dated and had their first kiss and boyfriend and so on but I haven't. I guess I'm wondering what this whole liking someone thing feels like because I don't think I 'like' anyone - nor have I ever. Am I weird?? Is it a certain sexuality I am??
haha no that’s totally okay! you’re not weird at all, promise (: maybe you are possibly asexual or maybe you just haven’t met anyone that tickles your fancy? you can do some research on sexuality if you like, find out what’s out there and if any of them seem to describe how you feel. but hey you’re only 16, you have so much time to figure things out and to try new things! high school is super limiting, once you leave things might become a lot clearer for you. all the best <3
7:29 pm • 6 December 2013
Anonymous murmured: my brother and i have the worst relationship. all he does is pick on my flaws and weaknesses and find ways to bring me down or crush whatever confidence i may have and winding me up until i retaliate in a really extreme way (i have anger problems) and then he decided to tell everyone how i reacted which is actually really private. he hurts me so much and then turns it so that he's the victim and it breaks my heart. i'm so jealous of people who have good relationships with their siblings :(
I feel ya ): I really do, the relationship I have with my younger sister is dysfunctional at the best of times. you can’t do much to change your brother’s behaviour at the moment, that’s something he needs to do himself (and sometimes only time and a lot of maturity can help there). all you can do is change how youreact to negative situations, don’t let him get to you - no matter how hard it is. walk away from his negative words, remind yourself that you know yourself better than him and that right now he’s being awful and that he’s the one at fault. remove yourself from the situation whenever he starts being nasty, try your best to be the better person. and when you do sometimes react? tell yourself that it’s okay! you’re human just like anyone else, when someone keeps pushing your buttons then it’s natural that you’re going to retaliate sometimes, remind yourself that your emotions are still real and valid and that you’re not a “crazy person”. you could also try talking to your parents, maybe they could help your brother to see that this isn’t an acceptable way to treat family. much love, things slowly do improve <3
7:24 pm • 6 December 2013
I have a crush on this guy I went to school with last year we both liked each other . He’s ended up leaving school because of finances and now goes to community college. He called me a lot over the summer but I hate calling people . He gets mad at me and says I don’t contact him that much although I text him all the time. Texting for him is just not enough. I just feel like sometimes he can be really sweet and other times he’s just kinda mean even if its playful. Sometimes I honestly feel like I am his only friend which I probably am. His family and him are foreign and he does not have a lot of family and friends back home . He called me last month to tell me he was homeless and I thought he actually might of needed help but I am only 19 and in college so there is nothing I could do to help him. He wanted to live with me in my dorm but I have a roommate and it would not work out even if I didn’t . He moved out to live with another family member who he said was kicking him out. I don’t know what was so bad about his original home but I told him he should just go back and save up and get his own place even though it might not be ideal. He kept saying I don’t care about him. Which I obviously do care about him maybe a little bit too much. Today he tells me he was joking. I just feel kinda hurt . I don’t know why someone would lie about something like that and if they actually needed help they would be nice to you. I just don’t even know what to do about our friendship I am just sick of him he acts like he’s this great friend because he calls me all the time and I don’t call him but really I am the good friend and maybe the only good friend he has.
wait wait, he was ‘joking’ about the entire story of being homeless and such? that’s whack! either he needs to set his head straight, or he was actually telling the truth and then decided to pretend it wasn’t true because he thinks you don’t care (which is still a pretty silly thing to do).
if you say you care about him then I believe you! there’s a million and one ways to show that you care about someone, just because you don’t call him (which is because you’re not comfortable with it, not because you’re lazy) doesn’t mean that you don’t care. a phone call isn’t a great way to judge if someone cares about you or not anyway - I mean like I could pick up the phone and call my best friend, but if all I did was talk about myself and my life then that’s not very caring haha
try talking to him and expressing how you feel at the moment, ask him why on earth he decided to tell you he was homeless if he wasn’t? explain that you do care about him (even if you don’t always call him) and see what he has to say. if you try and talk to him about this and you don’t feel like much has changed then maybe it’s time to let the friendship go and move on, but it’s up to you. good luck <3
4:43 pm • 6 December 2013
Anonymous murmured: (You thought I'd messaged you before) hehe did my rescue remedy give me away? Sorry you guys give such good advice!! X
haha yeah, it did! but aw don’t be sorry for messaging us again, it’s totally cool (: thanks friend, I’m glad you think we’re helpful <3
4:24 pm • 6 December 2013
Anonymous murmured: Hey Im the anon with the sexting problems, I spoke to my boyfriend and he just blamed it on me being on medication and I was taking too long and he was no longer in the mood when he had finished to help me :/ x
are you serious, he said that? what a jerk!!!! it’s up to you, but if it was me then I wouldn’t be sexting him anymore, you can pleasure yourself so much better than he ever could. it’s a known fact that girls take a lot longer to orgasm than guys - but hey even if that wasn’t true and it was just because of your medication? who cares! it’s still valid, you still have wants and desires too. if this guy is too ignorant to know that pleasure goes both ways, if it’s not something that he actually wants to do? then he’s not worth it - or at least, the sexting isn’t worth it. I would seriously let him know that you’re not going to be sexting him anymore, see what he says. you deserve to be pleasured just much as him, it’s something that both parties should want to do. good luck <3
4:22 pm • 6 December 2013
(Sorry, this isn’t a question about suicide or depression. I just needed some advice and didn’t know where to go.) Hi, this may be a complicated question asked by a 13-year-old from Chicago, USA. :) I’m confused in friendship. I have a group of friends that are so nice and smart but so geeky and intense. When I mean intense, I mean every day we have some kind of debate on politics or whatever. Which is fine, but ugh… I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong, I can be as geeky as anyone else, but I just don’t find right with them, like I need new friends. And I know that I want to be with a different group of friends that have different interests than my old group but the interests appeal more to me. They’re also not “geeky” or anything like that, and they have similar fashion sense to me and they listen to the same things as me. I feel really bad about this, but I really want to be friends with the other group instead. I feel like I want to get to know them better, and I feel really awkward about that too because they might see me as clingy or something. So, my final question is: should I be friends with the cool kids or not bother? PS: sorry if I sound like an asshole.
aw don’t be sorry! yah sure we get a lot of questions relating to depression and mental illnesses, but we get messages about lots of other topics too (:
if you don’t feel like you fit with your current friends and want to make some new ones? that’s totally okay, it really is (: just try and make sure that you want to be friends with these new people because of who they are and not just because they’re “cool” or “popular” - trust me I’ve been part of that group and it’s just not worth it ~
but if you feel like you have more in common with them - fashion sense and music tastes and such? then yeah go for it (: talk to these other people more and show that you’re interested in being friends, get to know them and show that you care and see how things go <3
4:13 pm • 6 December 2013
Urgent, age 20. I feel so triggered right now, someone posted a thing about suicide saying ‘think of the people you leave behind, think of the misery you’ll cause them’ Do they think we don’t know? Don’t they see that the whole reason is that we hurt to much to think? I don’t even want to think when I’m in that situation. I can’t talk to my family, they’d say they were right, but it sent me right back to when I was suicidal and my sister said that same thing ‘think about how I would feel, it would ruin my life’ no one asked why, or tried to reason me out of it by caring, they just told me to think about them. I know it sound selfish, but it makes me feel so guilty, I’m guilty for being so depressed/stressed/tired. It doesn’t make me not want to do it, it almost makes me want to more. I haven’t cut in over two months I think, and I just don’t know what to do, I feel like crying, I don’t know how to deal with this.
Take a deep breath and calm down a little, okay beautiful?
There’s nothing selfish about thinking that, really. But may I just point out that it’s not necessarily a bad thing that they tell you to think about them because them saying that without having you, their life would be ruined; that’s just their way of showing you how much they care about you. I mean, if they didn’t care about you, would they mention how big of an impact your missing presence would be? They really do care about you and don’t want to lose you. And hey, just because they don’t ask you or try to reason with you doesn’t mean they don’t care. Suicide is a sensitive topic for some people and maybe they’re afraid of crossing the line.
Don’t feel guilty, though. :c You’re not at fault for being depressed, stressed, and tired. And even though life is tough right now, please keep fighting. If you feel like crying, cry. It’s not good to keep your feelings bottled up so let it all out. As for dealing with it? It seems like you’re really lacking support. It’s not that there is no source of support around you, it’s that you just can’t seem to connect to it and that’s not a problem, really. If your family doesn’t ask you what’s wrong, don’t feel like they don’t care and that you shouldn’t tell them. You need to let your feelings out otherwise you will never get the help and support you need from them.
I know I’m not the best at this and comforting in general but if you’re going to take anything away from what I just said, please just remember that your life and body is so valuable and special. Don’t harm yourself and don’t end your life. People say to think about how they’d feel if you left this world but that’s not to make you feel like they don’t care about you - it’s their way of expressing that they care and love you so much. They believe that you care about them just as much and are hoping that they can act as a reason for you to keep fighting. Don’t take it the wrong way because honestly, it just proves how important you are to them. Their life would never be the same without you. But again, don’t feel guilty about this. There absolutely is a way to deal with this and that is by talking to people. Talking to your family (as hard as it is) will really help - let them know exactly how you’re feeling and what you’re going through because seriously, you need love and support right now. If that doesn’t work, try talking to a counselor! They are trained to help you get through this.
Keep fighting dear, you are so important in this world.
2:22 pm • 6 December 2013 • 2 notes
Would like the advice of a couple guys, but anyone’s opinions help!
Hello! I’m a 15 y/o girl looking for some advice. I’m a freshman in high school, and I’m in the drama club. This year we’re putting on a musical instead of play, and I’ve been very lucky to be a dance partner with a very nice, attractive guy. He’s a senior, but we have a lot in common. I don’t have any romantic feelings towards him, but he’s so nice and I really, really like him in a friend way. (As in, I really want to have him as a friend.) I’m going to be really sad when he graduates and goes to college next year, so I’ve been trying to get closer to him. He’s really, really nice and we both love photography and filmography. He wants to be a screen-writer. He has a really great sense of humor and is very kind to everyone, and doesn’t belittle anyone just because they’re younger. He’s just a very good person and I really want to get close enough to him to be able to actively keep in touch once he leaves. We talk a bit every week in drama, and in the morning when he walks by where I stand with my friend he always smiles and waves. Also, a couple weeks ago I did open mic night (which I was forced into by my friends, and he knew I was really nervous about it) and he was there taking pictures and he specifically came over to me to tell me I’m going to do great. When I was done, he came over and was really excited to show me “an amazing picture I got of you while you were up there. It’s beautiful.” But I had to go back up to do a finale thing with everyone who preformed. When that was done I went to go see what he was going to show me, but I saw he was packing up so I apologized and started to leave, but he stopped me and rolled his eyes and smiled and told me “you’re such a pain in the ass,” with a big grin on his face as he pulled his camera back out. He also complimented me on my performance, and gave me a little speech congratulating me about how calm I seemed, and saying that I was one of the best out there. He’s just really great, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job starting a friendship, but I don’t know how to continue. Any ideas?
On a side note, this is where I need a guy’s advice:
Every year I make mixtapes for my friends for Christmas. (It’s become a tradition.) Since it’s almost Christmas and we seem to have similar tastes in music, I was thinking about making him one, too. But I feel like that might be taken in a weird way, and I don’t want that to happen. Do you have any suggestions? Should I make him one, or no? Any way for me to make it not so weird?
Hey there :)
Aw, you’ve done a great job creating a friendship with this guy, really. Making new friends is always such a difficult task and the process for you went so smoothly and I’m so happy for you because of that. As for continuing the friendship, I’m sorry to say that I can’t help you with that — it’s not something you can really plan and make it work in your favor, it’s just something that happens on its own. Your friendship only consists of two people - you and this guy, it doesn’t really involve anyone else and you shouldn’t be thinking about how it’s going to play out. Treat him like any other friend that you have. But what’s important is that you be yourself, that’s the key; he’s your friend because he met you, the real you and your only job is to continue being yourself. Other than that, don’t think too much about it because everything will fall into place by itself, trust me.
As for the mixtapes, yeah, I’ll admit, it may seem a bit weird at first but there’s a way you could change that. Since you make mixtapes for your other friends, I think it won’t be weird as long as you let him know that you make mixtapes for all your friends so he doesn’t feel like it’s just him, you know? You could also write him a little card just saying that you’re glad to have met him and have him as a friend. That’ll help. But can I just say that you are such a sweet friend since you make mixtapes for your friends.
All the best,
2:07 pm • 6 December 2013 • 3 notes
Hello there :3 first of all, thanks so much for taking time to do this. it would be great if someone male could answer this since I need the opinion of someone who can empathise into another man. so here’s the thing, i’ve been getting to know someone a few weeks back and really like him, i thought he liked me too. last week he asked me out and i thought things were really really good. but ever since that he kinda changed. he doesnt write back regularly and seems disinterested but other times he’s like before. it’s confusing. i dont know what’s wrong or if i did something wrong? do you have any idea/advice as to how i can get clarity? xo (I’m 17 btw)
Hello there! ^_^
Hm, that is pretty confusing, I must admit. Just to clarify though, did he ask you to be his girlfriend and did he say yes? (Or did he just ask you out on a date?). But either way, maybe he isn’t uninterested but rather just busy - that’s always a possibility. At the beginning when you meet someone, it’s exciting so people like to constantly talk and share things about each other to establish a proper relationship and connect, you know? But after a while, things die off a little bit and some other things might just be super important that he has to take care of before getting back to you? I mean, if he acts like he is interested in you again every once in a while, I’m sure he still is. Otherwise, he wouldn’t act like he was before if he really lost interest in you, get what I mean? So yeah, it seems like he may just be busy lately and he might need a little bit of space.
Don’t be so paranoid and over think things, love, I’m sure you didn’t do anything wrong.
1:56 pm • 6 December 2013
Anonymous murmured: Hey Ethan! I'm the girl whose boyfriend is addicted to gaming. Thanks very much for your response, it was quite helpful :) It's hard for me to spend more time with my boyfriend because we are in a medium-to-long-distance relationship so we only see each other during the weekends. Can you tell me how often you used to game and how often you do it now? I have some ideas of how to help him, but it's always nice to hear from someone with experience :) Thanks!
I was glad I could help but yeah, being in a long-distance relationship makes it a bit more tricky but not impossible still. Take advantage of your weekends with him if that’s the only time you guys really see each other! But for me, I used to suffer greatly from gaming addictions, oh my god. In the summer, I’d just wake up in the morning, jump onto the computer and basically stay there until night time. Kind of ashamed to admit it, but I used to be on for many many hours a day. My problem was that I just didn’t want to quit - I never took the motive to try to block the games or anything like that, I just gave into it and let it eat me away. Once I met my girlfriend, she helped me a lot so having someone who I care about and love ever so much supporting me was so essential to my recovery so that’s why I’m saying that you play a very important role. She would force me out of the house to be with her and obviously I’d agree, putting gaming time aside gradually more and more. She would remind me of how important school is and how I need to focus - seriously, she was my rock and still is. Even doing something simple as calling me to talk to me helped me because we all know that even though it’s possible to game and talk to somebody, it’s not a legit, meaningful conversation if you’re trying to kill someone in game or whatever it is. But you know, my girlfriend started playing video games with me. I used to think that that would be even worse for me because wow, I get to play with someone I like? I might as well play all the time! But nope, now, I basically only play video games when she wants to. I find that there’s not much fun when I’m playing it alone or with my other friends because it’s just not the same. I love her presence too much and she knows how to prioritize her time. If we’re working hard and need a break, we’d play for an hour or so and then jump back into work. But I’ve been pretty busy with school lately so I haven’t had much time for gaming. Regularly though, I usually play games for 45 minutes a day (only because that’s usually how long games are & I play after I’m done my work though and I can go without playing if I want, it’s not something I have to do in order to feel satisfied).
I’ve come a long way over time thanks to my girlfriend and I hope your boyfriend does too thanks to you. He’s lucky to have you looking out for him and caring for him so much, so good for you for being such a great girlfriend!
Good luck!! ^_^
1:47 pm • 6 December 2013 • 1 note
Anonymous murmured: Hey, I'm in a ldr with my bf. recently we've started to sext. But every time we do he always makes it about him. I try swap it around and he brings it back to himself. He knows I'm sexually frustrated and he doesn't seem to care or want to help me :/ should I just ask him why he's being like this? Or am I being selfish? X
you’re definitely not being selfish at all, sexual pleasure is something that goes both ways! you’re allowed to want this, you have feelings and desires just as much as him. maybe he doesn’t even realise what he’s doing, he could just be getting too caught up in things? talk to him and express how you feel about things, let him know that you feel like he doesn’t care about your wants or needs and see how he responds. good luck <3
1:51 am • 6 December 2013 • 1 note
Anonymous murmured: I'm so confused right now. The world is a really awful place. I hate being here and not knowing my purpose. I'm not suicidal, but I just don't understand how anything is possible. There are terrible people in this world who will cheat you and hurt you and who want to see you in pain. Then there are people that have trapped animals or put themselves in harm's way to save another. I'm holding on to the small hope I have let in humanity. I want the world to change, but I can't to it alone.
there is a lot of pain and misery in this world, you’re completely right. but there’s good moments too! there’s people like us at aplaceforthesoul who are trying to make the world a better place, there’s people fighting for feminism and equality, there’s pianists like Ludovico Einaudi who make you feel and that’s a gift in itself sometimes, there’s movies that exist like The Untouchables, there’s the joy of being in love and newborns taking their first breath and feeling exhilarated after doing something you didn’t think you could do and seeing your favourite musicians live! sometimes music is the closest we ever get to magic, it really is.sometimes it can take us a while to find our purpose in life and what feels right for us, maybe your purpose is to help others and lessen the suffering in this world if you feel this way about humanity at the moment? try not to let the negativity in this world get you down, there’s always hope <3
1:35 am • 6 December 2013 • 3 notes
Anonymous murmured: i always feel like people are judging me. like i'm that.. thing.. that stands out in a bad way. i always feel in the way and that i have no reason to be around anyone. i feel like i deserve the uglyness and loneliness sometimes..
to be honest you probably are right, people are always judging us. but hey who the frick cares!!! you’re not on this planet to please them or to dress in a way they like or to like the things they approve of, you’re on this planet for yourself. people are always going to be judging you, so hey you may as well be doing something you enjoy (: beauty is in the eye of the beholder (as they say), and honestly beauty comes from within c: accept that you have flaws (as does everyone because we’re not perfect), and focus on the positive aspects of yourself instead. loneliness comes from creating a barrier between you and other people, it comes from not having a connection with someone or trusting people. so in order to break that barrier down? you gotta communicate with people, you gotta let them in (: it’s not going to be easy at first, but it gets easier with time. this loneliness will continue until you start to let people in and be more open about things okay, so try and work on it! you don’t deserve this pain or misery, but you still have control and can still make changes. good luck <3
12:52 am • 6 December 2013 • 2 notes
Anonymous murmured: I'm madly in love with my best friend. I know She only sees me as a brother and she has recently started seeing someone she's liked for a while. I love her but I'm just happy with her being happy and being close to her. Should I leave things be?
if it was me, then yeah I think I would leave things be, there’s nothing to gain by expressing anything other than friendship at the moment ): as hard as it is, try not to show just how in love with her you are (because you don’t want to jeopardise the friendship), accept that she doesn’t feel the same and try and work on moving on. it’s not easy I know, if it was this easy to tell ourselves to stop feeling a certain way towards someone then life would be so much easier! but there’s nothing to gain from wanting someone who doesn’t return your feelings, work on letting go - it’s a liberating feeling, it really is (: all the best <3
12:43 am • 6 December 2013 • 1 note